Dear Sparky

I was doing some "research" for a story I don't have time to read, and I came across the "letter" below, which was written by these guys because they were bored. Lo and behold, I have to find a new roommate in just a few weeks. And although I don't hate my roommate, I thought this was pretty funny. Therefore, I'm going to fill in the blanks and see what magic I can create. Bold words are my contributions.

Dear Sparky,

I usually don’t like writing notes, especially not with a broken pencil on the back of a used napkin, but it’s all I could find and I wanted to organize my thoughts so they didn’t come out wrong.

I’m really sorry to tell you this, but I’m moving out on April 1 (date). It’s not that I loathe you, I just don’t think we jive together. I feel that you are messy, and little bit odd sometimes. Like that time when you came home drunk and you said "I'm going to eat the last piece of pizza" and then passed out on the kitchen floor. That incident made me feel violated, in a way, like I was an empty bottle of vodka, totally useless. I know it’s not intentional on your part, but you come across totally weird and I really, really can't deal with that.

There was also the time that you “borrowed” my q-tips, which was really not cool. My understanding of the way a q-tip works has never been the same since.

And guess what, your shelf in the fridge kind of smells. Yeah, you know what? Gummy you.

Wait, I didn’t mean that.

I’m sorry. The truth is, I don’t hate you, I’m just worked up. In fact, I really like the way you always keep the paper products replenished, and I had a great time that night when we stayed up until 5 a.m. charades-ing. In fact, quite a few people have commented on how good you are at charades-ing. You are really a terrific person, just not the best roommate for a person like me.

I hope we can still be chums. When you see me on campus, please buy me a coffee.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I burp-ed in your bed once. I’m really sorry about that.

charming-ly,

Elizabeth(Your name here)

p.s. See you and I hope you have a wonderful life filled with friends and good memories!